people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Randomize
