the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
