we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
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