Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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