Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
