a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
Someone signed my nipple.
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