I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
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