"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Randomize
