Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Randomize
