I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
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