are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Randomize
