this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Randomize
