I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
