Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
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