ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
I could have mohawked her pubes.
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
