you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
