Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
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