dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
