I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
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