i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
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