yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
There are leaves in my underwear?
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