I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
