I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Randomize
