i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
