I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
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