May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
