And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize