I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
