i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
as a side note pls kill me
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