I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Randomize
