i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
