Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
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