Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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