i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
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