For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Randomize
