you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
