Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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