She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
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