Small penises have feelings too.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
