The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Randomize
