overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
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