barbara walters just said penis...
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
