Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
