A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
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