I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
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