It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Randomize
