too bad you live with your parents still
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
My cat gives me a boner
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
