He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize