when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Randomize
