I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
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