i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
