Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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