So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
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