I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
