the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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