Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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