butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
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