She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
