Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
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