Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
