Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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