Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
You're a waste of cheezeits
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Randomize
