In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
