fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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