Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
